Pirate 2013 RR: An incoherent collection of thoughts

Pirate Triathlon
Casco, ME


Race
1/3 mile swim
14 mile bike
3 mile run

Results
Swim - 6:50 (2nd)
T1 - :42
Bike - 37:42 (22.3mph, 4th)
T2 - :29
Run - 18:38 (6:13/mi, 6th)
TOTAL - 1:05:13
PLACE - 2nd Overall

I'll keep this brief. Rather than rambling on about every boring detail of today's race, I'm just giving you a look into my mind 12 hours after it ended. It will likely come across as scrambled and incoherent, but it's genuine; I am still struggling to wrap my mind around what happened on course today. I don't know if I should be frustrated, concerned, or content. In part, I hope that writing these words will help me sort through my thoughts and emerge with some clarity on what today meant.

Again, be warned, I'm making no attempt to organize my thoughts. Things are going straight from my head to the keyboard...

I didn't win today. And in not winning, I failed to defend my title. Damn. But failing to reach the top step of the podium isn't my cause for concern. I was beaten by Vinny Johnson - who is a pro, a friend, and a coworker - so I'm not worried about the loss. Vinny's very good and earned the win. I'll pat him on the back at work tomorrow and tell him I'm coming for him next time (and I will be!). In fact, it's probably a good thing I didn't win today. I think winning often masks imperfections in racing. Crossing the line first magically makes your mistakes and weaknesses disappear. All you remember is the joy of victory. Winning makes it easy to ignore your flaws.

It's going to be embarrassing when Vinny and I both show up to MHS wearing these on the same day...

So Eileen and I are getting married in 12 days. Then I'm - well, we're - going on a honeymoon. My race schedule, as a result, is very back-heavy this season. Naturally, my training has changed, too. I'm not at my fastest right now. And that's a good thing. If Stephen let me find my final gears in June, he wouldn't be doing his job (a job that he does incredibly well, by the way). I'm in great shape right now, but I have not developed much speed yet. The day will come this year when things click and all the hard work will result in real speed. The fact that I didn't have great stuff today isn't a problem. Again, it's good that I didn't. It means things are on track.

Limited speed in action...

What's bothering me, then? It's not losing or limited speed that have me shaking my head at my performance, it's something else. And the more I think about it, the more I don't know if it's real or imagined. (See, I told you this writing thing would help me sort things out!). I'm questioning whether or not I had more to give on course at key moments today. During the race I felt as though I was giving everything I had to give, but I don't know if that's true or not and it's the first time I've had to ask myself the question. I know for a fact that is true on the swim and the run. I swam with Vinny and 2 others in order to keep myself in position to win and I ran well enough and smart enough to maintain second place. But on the bike, maybe things could have gone differently. I'm worried that my mind was weaker than my body today. I had a few opportunities to bridge small gaps to Vinny, but was never able to do it. My legs were burning and my lungs were scorched, but maybe there was still something in the tank and all I needed to do was reach for it. I don't like that I didn't take the risk to race over my limit for a few minutes in order to put myself in an advantageous position. I don't like that I (think) I was playing it safe and simply consolidating second place. I really don't like the fact that I have to question myself. Now, maybe I did everything I could today. I was spent at the end of the race. It's not as though I had extra energy that could have been dished out, but maybe 1 minute of 125% race pace at the right time on the bike could have changed things. Or, maybe I was doing everything I possibly could and Vinny just got away on the bike. That's a possibility. He's a phenomenal athlete so maybe I didn't ever bridge the gap because he was too strong.

Headed out on a very difficult bike ride

Finding your limits is a difficult task, but it's one that I am undertaking this year. In training and racing, I'm at a point in my career where I need to find my breaking points. Part of this, I think, is accepting that it might involve some failure (or, rather, delayed success). I need to push myself further than I have before. In order to accomplish what I plan to accomplish - this year and in the future - I need to find my limits and slowly start to extend them outward. And there's no way to find the line other than to cross it once in awhile - not every day, but at key moments and under the right circumstances.

A cool swim exit picture of me and Vinny (also in a white cap) that didn't have a place elsewhere, so it landed here...

For now, though, racing takes a back seat to a wedding and a honeymoon. Training will carry on, but after making my 2013 season debut on the New England race circuit, it's time for a brief hiatus. I'll be back in mid July stronger, faster, and tougher than I was today.